Now on sale on the Android Market: an app that asks — and purports to answer — "Is my son gay?"
On the app page, here's the pitch: "You're questioning yourself? 20 questions to know more about your son. After this test you'll have the proven answer to a question you might have since maybe a long time."
The only sample questions we saw on that page were these:
- Does he like to dress well: is he very careful when choosing his outfits and selecting brands?
- Does he like football?
Now, I don't know about you, but a Yes followed by another Yes describes a lot of men I know, including my brother. My recently married brother.
So now, I had to see what the rest was all about. So I paid $2.69 for the English version of the app (there's also a French version) and scrolled through the test.
Other questions — typos and all — included:
- Before he was born, did you wish for a girl?
- Has he ever been in a fight?
- Does he read the sports page in the newspaper?
- Is his best friend a girl?
- Does he like team sports?
- Is he modest?
- Is he a fan of divas (Madonna, Britney Spears)?
- Does he spend a long time in the bathroom?
- Does he piercings in his tongue, nose or ears?
- Do you wonder about your son's sexual orientation?
- Are you divorced?
- Does he like musical comedies?
- Has he ever introduced you to a girlfriend?
- Is his father a very authoritarian person?
- Within your family, is the father absent at all?
- During his childhood, was he timid or discreet?
- Does he have a complicated relationship with his father?
- Does he take a long time to do his hair?
I answered as if my imaginary son were a sports fan, whose best friend is another guy, who does like to spend time getting ready, has divorced parents and a "complicated relationship with his father," who does not care for divas or musical comedies. This is what the app churned out as an answer:
Your son is a normal young man: modern and concerned about taking care of himself assuming some feminine habits while maintaing his attraction to girls. However, he may have already had some homosexual experiences with his best friend. These things happen. It is more and more usual in these times to maximize pleasures without taboo.
Wow. So this algorithm seems to weigh heavily on "Yes" answers to the father and best friend questions, because I had another friend do the same test using her husband as an example and he doesn't have divorced parents, gets along fabulously with his father and counts her as his best friend:
Don't worry, your son is not gay. Get ready to become a mother-in-law! You'll soon have to be accepted by your future daughter-in-law. There's a great chance that you'll become a grandmother with all the pleasures that this brings.